The One

(Mark & Ethan, one of our favorite YouTube Couple)

A friend of mine, Hui Min told me this after reading my first post on timing

“Ok I get the timing part, but how do you know Bii is the one?”

I am so glad that she asked me that question since a lot of my friends kept telling me “Stop it!” “Move on man!” “That guy is a jerk!” I shall let you all know why is it so hard for me to let go in this post.

Before I dive into the topic, I need you to be clear that EVERYONE in this world is choosy. Yes, that means YOU too. A lot of my friends refuse to acknowledge that they are choosy when it comes to finding their ideal partners.

“No I’m not choosy, he just needs to be presentable!”

“Nahhhh, I’m out of her league..”

“What??! How am I choosy, is it so wrong that I want a guy that share the same thinking?!”

 “Really??! She wears so much make up though..”

“Oh c’mon… He smokes..”

As bitchy as those sounds, I’m sure that you’ve heard something similar from your group of friends. My point is, everybody has their own check list or preferences (sounds better?) and you should acknowledge that before reading the rest of this post.

I’m going to start the post by going through some major categories that goes into everybody’s checklist.

Looks

When we talk about looks, we are not only talking about The Face. There’s more to it, the height, the weight, the body shape, fashion, (34, 24, 36), hair, complexion, skin, skin tone. Some people even go deeper, the nose, ideal lips, eyebrows or even the size of areola.

You might think that everybody wants the best for themselves; but in reality, not really. Most people want their partner to be attractive, but only to a certain extent. They are afraid that if their partner is too good looking that in the end they get cheated on or people bad mouthing them behind their backs; ego, mainly.

Overall the looks checkbox is not that hard to be ticked, as the Chinese saying “情人眼里出西施”, “if you love somebody enough, they will look attractive/appealing to you eventually”. This checkbox is pretty much a pre-screening procedure before you chow down your food.

Personality

Now that the looks are checked, you then start looking into his/her personality. Is she a bimbo? Does she talk too much? Is he outgoing? Does he walk like a sissy?

Everyone has an idea of their ideal type of man/woman. Some may like it rough while others like it slow. Some people love to listen while others are able to talk for 2 days straight without stopping. Some prefer to text for hours while some prefer to cuddle the whole night without saying a word. Everybody is different in their unique way but I’m sure everyone looks for some sort of specific quality that they like in their potential partner.

Not too hard of a checkbox to pass too (provided you are not in love with some kind of douche bag or bitchy girl). When you are in love with someone, you only see their good side anyways ;)

Similarities

Looks checked, and he/she is a decent person. What’s next? You will now look for some similarities or common ground so things won’t get awkward when you guys hang out. This is not hard at all. TV shows, Internet, social networks, movie genres, food, YouTubers, hobby, interest, occupation, goals in life, the list goes on forever.

There’s bound to be something that both of you share a common interest in (Interest in each other counts). Don’t fret if there aren’t a lot of similarities between you two. As I mentioned in my previous post, differences plays a part in compatibility too. That aside, interests and hobbies can always be developed later when you guys are in a relationship via some effort.

Religion/Life Perspective

Religion speaks a lot about an individual, and no, I’m not talking about the general Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Atheist, Scientology, etc. Its more about how you interpret the religion you believe in instead of just telling people, “I’m a Buddhist”. What does that mean anyways? Do you shave your head? Or do you live in the temple? Are you are a vegetarian? Do you believe in Buddha or just Karma? Or it’s just because “My mom told me to put Buddhist down in forms”? To me, religion is just a way you think about life since it speaks about what you believe in, how you interpret things and whether you believe in fate & faith.

I have friends that struggle with the religion barrier. They find it difficult to date someone that have different beliefs. I think that the religion barrier will exist only if the person INSISTS that what they believe in is the only way the world is going to work. For me, having a different religion with my partner is not really an issue; it’s simply just hmm, liking different soups. I can have my favourite soup and if you don’t like it, well, more for me. Order your own share of soup and make sure you finish it.

Of course there are some principles of life that you will not be able to overlook easily and that is why this check box is going to be quite a challenge. Is dating him/her going to be in line with your principle of life? Do you need to compromise or make changes to your own principle in order to date him/her? Those are the questions that only you yourself can answer.

Chemistry (Dealing with Conflicts)

Similar to how chemicals react, we will be looking at how two individuals react under different conditions in this category. If anybody tells you that relationships are all fun, bubble gum and rainbows, I can tell you that they are constantly high on something. Conflicts are bound to happen and there will be bad days. Heck, even a simple bowl of corn soup can sometimes spark arguments, refer to the dialogue below

A: “Why didn’t you put carrot in the soup?”

B: “Cuz it’s freaking corn soup?!”

A: “It taste better with carrots in it!”

B: “Well, that’s your opinion Mr., drink it or leave it!”

A: “Okayyyyyyy, I’m gonna leave it then”

*BOOM*

Okay I exaggerated a little bit, but you do see my point right?

"A" could’ve been nicer and just drink the soup while "B" could’ve been thoughtful and say that he will add carrots into the soup the next time; or B could’ve just cooked peanut & lotus root soup instead, wait, that soup tastes better with carrots in it too...

Anyways, some people will react with each other nicely like alcohol and acid, forming ester (Perfume) with some help from a catalyst and heat; Some may react like potassium and water, violent, rapid but beautiful; while some of them are like Neon and Xenon; they don’t even react at all.

Potassium reacting with Water

(Since you are reading my blog, I want you to learn something)

No matter how you guys are handling your conflicts now, (talk it out, sweep it under the rug, laugh at it, make up sex, etc) it is going to be the same for the rest of your life. I do agree that people change, but the degree of change for personal behavior is really minimal. This will be the toughest box for you to check off if you haven’t been handling conflicts well with your partner.

Others

Meh, the little things that could be improved in the future like smoking, alcohol consumption, wet toilets, too much time spent in the toilet, doesn’t put toilet seat down, doesn’t speak mandarin or lousy sex, etc. You either grow to accept it eventually or things just happen to improve over time. Don’t dwell on these small stuffs; they don’t deserve a box of its own.

Featuring Aaron & Ethan's TFIOS (G) 

I too have a check list and to be honest, Bii didn’t really check a lot of it. He’s shorter than me, not all that handsome, doesn’t speak mandarin, doesn’t shave properly (Stubbles are prickly), lazy, avoid conflicts, etc etc etc. The list could be a page long but why am I still so sure that he’s the one?

He saw my imperfection as perfection.  #Goosebumps

I am needy, annoying and I have severe insecurity issues due to my past experience. I texted Bii almost every two hours, asking him what he was doing, making sure his day was okay and constantly in fear that I'm in contest with some other guy. I get all bat shit crazy when some gay guy pops up in his life (to be fair he had a thing with a very, very cute guy before me). It is unfair how I cast the shadow from my past experience on Bii but my brain is not functioning the way I want it to.

How did Bii handle it though? He limits his interaction with gay people, he replies my messages almost instantly, he screenshots messages from other gay guys (I didn't ask him to do that) just to show me and let me know that “okay this guy just texted me, don’t worry, nothing is going to happen". He allows me to scroll through his phone as it is and told me it's okay since there’s nothing to hide. He told me it’s okay to be clingy and I’m not really disturbing him cuz he likes it. For the record, he even blocked out some guys that texted him when we were dating just so we could avoid some unnecessary drama.

I take honesty very seriously in a relationship and Bii has been nothing else but truthful to me. That’s the two toughest boxes on my check list. Checked. I really think that I'm not going to meet any other guy that could do the same for me; religiously speaking, God is not that kind; statistically speaking, the probability is so low that I wouldn't even want to bet on it.

You know you found the right one when you stop looking for "more" (Laurel House)

I hope I answered your question Hui Min.

Good Luck

JS