Be Yourself

Jim Parson aka Sheldon Cooper (gay)

Be warned, this blogpost is going to be a very long and gay rant.

This is not going to be my coming out story. Most of my readers are my close friends so they already got that covered. I've actually written this post with the aims to

1) Let the straight people understand how hard it is to live a gay life

2) Let the closeted gay guys understand that it is okay, you are not alone

I am not saying that life being straight is easy, I am aware of your problems; but how many of you guys truly understand how difficult it is to be a homosexual?

Ellen Page a.k.a. Juno / Shadow Cat (Yup, she's gay)

Being gay is not a choice, not a lifestyle

It annoys me a little when I hear people say things like “try la, try la, belum try belum tau” or “You have yet to meet the right girl, maybe you just need a tomboy”. Seriously peeps, we didn’t really choose to be gay. Do you think that you could ever “try” to be homosexual? If you don’t, then try to understand that it’s hard for us to be heterosexual too. While I agree environment can be a factor that leads to “gayness”, it is scientifically proven that being homosexual is partly due to a gay gene that all gay people share.  (Google it)

Sure we can choose to hide our gay identity and live a straight life. We would probably excel in getting girls than most of the straight guys out there. Most gay guys are sensitive, outspoken, understanding, well-maintained and fun! (That explains why a lot of girls want a gay best friend) But that’s not what we really want since we are sexually attracted to men, not the other way. Girls are like sisters to us, it’s just the same way like how you look at your bros. You have poker night, drink beer and watch sports together but you don’t have sex or date each other.

Matt Bomer (So hot, but yes, gay <3)

Dealing with the rude people

“Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes toward homosexuality. It can normally be expressed as antipathy, contempt, prejudice, aversion, hatred or just fear of the gay people”

- Wikipedia

Seriously, homophobia shouldn’t even be a word because it is just outright offensive. There are many things in this world that you hate/fear but you just don’t simply “phobia-fy” it

 “Is there a phobia of being scared of black people?”

The answer is NO, there’s no such thing as Negrophobia specifically for black people because it is racist, rude, conservative and offensive!

I do not know how bad racism can get (I’m Chinese, we are pretty much made fun by every other race, even by Chinese) but I think they are less disadvantaged compared to the gay people. There are laws and human rights that protect the black people while gay people still suffer from religious discrimination and anti-gay propagandas nowadays.

You could argue with me that gay people are able to get away easily since they are able to conceal their identity as a gay person. “If you don’t tell, they won’t know”. That is true indeed, but do you really think this “flexibility” of concealing we are gay make things easier? Not really.

Ellen Degeneres & Portia 

Living in the Closet

I would prefer some distinctive look for "being gay" rather than it being a concealable trait. (make gay people glow or shine-like-vampires) We have lost a lot of "viable dating options" since a lot of insecure gay guys decide to hide themselves and live in denial. I don't judge them at all because I WAS one of them, sad, scared and ashamed. I had even decided to be forever alone just to hide the fact that I am gay.

I discovered that I was gay a few years back and it was an extremely lonely moment of my life; I felt shitty about it, hated myself for it but what can I do other than keeping this dark secret to myself and continue being “normal”? I had to deal with all these “gay thing” myself because I fear losing everything that I have, my friends, my family and my future once this secret is out.

Why did I come out in the end? What was the trigger? 

I’ve had enough of those days that I have to fight with constant fear and so I started doing my research. I’ve browsed Google, YouTube and realised that there are a lot of people out there, facing the same problems that I have.

I am not alone

I got brave for some reason, and started to have a “I don’t give a F*** anymore” attitude. I was ready to lose everything, my friend, my family and yes, my future because I know this is what I really want, I couldn’t be happy if I need to conceal this part of me for my whole life, it is just too much pressure to keep everything in. I will work harder to find new friends, fight for a better future and also build my own family if that means I do not need to pretend to be someone that I am not anymore. 

The process wasn’t easy, it really wasn’t. It requires a lot a lot of courage, a very strong mind set and also the willingness to lose everything you have and start all over again for something that’s greater. Of course, a touch of faith in your family and friends helps a lot with the process too.

Annie from the League of Legends (That famous pun tho)

Love is not meant to be hid away

Love is a very beautiful thing, just like a flower; it needs to be out there to get some love from the sun, the breeze and the butterflies for it to grow strongly.

It is very, very rare for a gay relationship to last but most people fail to see the real reason behind it. A lot of them just blame it on things like

1.           Non compatible
2.           Lust-at-first-sight
3.           Commitment Issue
4.           Age gap

The list goes on... I won’t say that those are not the problem but let me tell you one common thing that I find in successful gay couples that I know.

They celebrate their love out in the public and gain blessings from their friends and family

Vinny and Luke (I just can't get over how cute they are)

Coming out is a never ending process for the gay people. We never cease the need of coming out, not until we really do shine like vampires. There’s one thing I can assure you though, it does get better. I am lucky myself, my friends gave me the warmest support after they know that I’m gay; while my parents are not happy with the idea, they still acknowledge me as their son, continue to provide me with food, shelter and love. If anything changed after coming out, I felt more bonded to these people than ever because I’ve opened up and be honest with them. Everybody appreciates honesty in this world.

To my fellow gay friends out there that’s still in the closet, don’t come out when you are not ready, but please, don’t have the mind set of “coming out is never an option for me”.

To my straight friends out there, if your friend were to come out to you, they have summoned a great amount of courage to do so. Be nice, they’ve probably assumed the worst to happen but if you offer them some love, they will definitely reciprocate you with tons of them.

To my dear Nee, I know you are going to read this but please don’t feel pressured as I’m not going to force you to French me in front of Dataran Merdeka. We will take baby steps and come out as a couple to your friends and also mine, hopefully we will get some blessings from our friends/family in the future.

Tyler Oakley (The most inspiring and fun gay YouTuber)

I will be ending this blogpost with a quote by Veronica Roth, the author of Divergent.

"There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known for the sake of something greater." 

Be Brave #ItGetsBetter

-Jace