Effort

My all time favourite Vlogger, Will and RJ

I’ve been writing about 'moving on' the past few weeks and I figured it’s time for me to get back to my original series (Keys to Sustain a Healthy Relationship). After sharing my thoughts on timing, compatibility, chemistry and also honesty in my previous posts, I would like to bring your attention to the word effort, in this post.

Let’s revisit the house building analogy; compatibility, timing, chemistry, etc… All the things that I’ve mentioned in my previous posts are just the foundation/building blocks, if you may, to build your lifelong happiness. But these alone are not enough. Huge effort is needed to assemble all these building blocks together so we can finally build the perfect relationship that we have always wanted.

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort, constant effort actually. Even the most magnificent building requires patch up, brush up and some tinkering from time to time to maintain its glory. However, don’t be taken aback by the idea because this “effort” that we are talking about is nothing stressful like doing homework or rushing to meet a deadline. Putting effort into your relationship simply means spending time with your love ones, time that both of you enjoy spending together.

A lot of couples tend to get too comfortable with each other after a while and forget the need of being romantic or spending quality time with each other. This normally happens after the honeymoon phase where fights and arguments start to pop up more frequently. One side of the couple will start to freak out, thinking that things aren’t the same anymore or the person that they fell in love with has changed. Truth is, maybe they didn’t change at all - they just got too comfortable with you and forgot the need to “be nice”.

Affection vs Obligation

Both affection and obligation are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. Don’t say things like “I want him to do it because he wants to and is willing to do it himself, not because I ask him to.” One cannot base their relationship solely on affection since the feeling of love subsides overtime. (#Fact) Think of affection as a water tank that fills up very slowly, it will be drained quickly if you were to rely solely on it. This is why we need an extra faucet (obligation) to draw water from and all you need to do is to turn it on/off at times. Remind yourself to treat your lover well from time to time, let them know they are loved even when you’re terribly busy; likewise, if you feel “mistreated”, don’t be afraid to give them a kick since most of the time they are just blunt or have been too busy (lazy).

Keeping the romance alive (Inspired by RJ)

Keeping the romance alive is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Why?  Because rough times are inevitable in a relationship; There will be disagreements, fights, shouting, heart breaks & PMS (you girls still rock though); There will be days that you are already stressed out about your job but your partner just won’t let you off the hook from an argument; There will be nights where you just want to sleep after a long day but you couldn’t, knowing your partner might be sobbing on the other side of the bed; There might even be times where you think about things like “Why am I even with this *****?!” and this is when effort comes to the rescue.

I have an imaginary score board for my boyfie that works exactly like how it works in the Harry Potter series; “Brilliant Granger! 10 points to Gryffindor!”, “Do not talk back to me, Potter, 20 points from Gryffindor.” I award points to my boyfie every time he does something nice to me, be it sending a sweet morning message, giving me massages or taking me out on romantic dates but I also take points off the board when he does stupid things like being late, text-driving and when we have arguments.

It is vital to keep the scoreboard positive, just like your bank account so you will have some cash for withdrawal during an emergency. Save some good memories so you still have something to hold on to when the bad times happen. For the most times it’s not that you don’t love each other anymore, it’s just that life got into the way. People often juggle with life responsibilities like studies, friends, work, bills or children that they forgot the need to make a deposit in the “relationship bank”, only to realize it running low when they need to make the ugly but necessary withdrawals.

Make Time

To have time is to make time, nobody is really too busy for their love ones. Set up some sort of rules to have romantic dates once in a while. Go to the movies, have a picnic or just snuggle up and watch Real Housewives of Atlanta together before going to sleep. Maintaining a healthy relationship is really all about gaining more points than losing them. So, if you are in a relationship, keep in mind to provide your partner with more than just affection, see them as one of your obligation too. Do your best to make them feel happy and loved every day, all the deeds that you have done will return in your favour someday.

“Make an effort to put a smile on his (her) face and you will be rewarded by a bigger smile”

Jace