A very scary part of breaking up
is how much void the one that you love leave behind. You used to text him day
and night; go out with him on Friday nights. Calls him on skype cause you miss
him; hang up but the heat stays within. Now that he’s gone, all you can do is
stare at his WhatsApp last seen to check how he has been, only to find that
he’s constantly online and it hurts deep within.
Having voids like that are
unavoidable and I’m not just talking to the people that just broke up with
their significant other. I’m also looking at you peeps that are transitioning
out from the honeymoon phase. You don’t get texts as often anymore, don’t hang
out as much anymore and maybe don’t even kiss each other that frequent anymore.
But trust me, some voids in a relationship are healthy, it gives you some
personal time and space to do your own “thang”
and a chance for your love one to actually miss you.
Disconnect and Reconnect
Ever had issues with slow
internet and unstable connections? You do all the things to diagnose the
problem like close down some useless tabs, check the Wi-Fi signal, scan your
computer for viruses or just scream at your housemates for
streaming/downloading “movies”. There’s a high chance that even after you do
all the things mentioned before, you are still stuck with the sucky internet. So
what do you do then? You disconnect the router; let it rest for like 10 seconds
then reconnect it again. (That normally does the trick but if it’s still not
fixed, go screw your ISP)
We all know that resetting the
router is one of the most effective ways to fix bad connections but why do we
still do all sorts of other stuff before doing so? There’s only 1 reason, lazy.
We are lazy to get our ass up from the comfortable chair, walk all the way to
the router to reset it. Same goes to a broken relationship, people are lazy at putting the effort to disconnect from their ex-es and so they choose to dwell
instead. I’m not judging you, I was one of the “people”.
Filling the void starts with the
word disconnect. I might be conflicting myself here because I’ve been saying
that you can keep the love, blah blah… I’m not asking you to throw away or delete
everything you have, just try to put it aside and disconnect yourself from him
for a while. It is painful, it is difficult but do summon the will power to do
it, it gets better. What I am going to say is going to sound crazy but it
really did help me. Disconnect yourself from the internet, really.
By not having internet you’ve cut
numerous ways of you knowing anything about him. No Facebook, no Instagram, no
WhatsApp, no Skype, no Viber and no gay YouTubers to rub their sweet, sweet
love in your face. That leave you with even more voids now, you’ve just lost a
boyfie and now you lose Internet too but don’t panic, there are plenty of stuff that you
can do.
This is where the word reconnect
comes in. No, not reconnecting with him but a lot of other stuff. First on the
list, family; Think about the times when you were attached, you have been
cutting out quality family time to hang out with your boyfie haven’t you. When
was the last time you went grocery shopping with your parents, gossip with your
sisters or game with your bros? Time to do all those again and you will be
surprised by how much love you are able to get from your family.
Then we go to our friends, you’ve
got to admit that you’ve been slacking on them too. The usual Friday game
nights were replaced by date nights, Saturday brunches turned into double date
picnics, you even said no to clubs and parties just to cuddle with your boyfie
in bed and browse YouTube. Shave your face, wax the hair, put on a nice
dress shirt and have some fun out there instead of sobbing at home.
“You shouldn't depend on someone
else to make you happy,
learn how to be happy by yourself”
- HM
That quote was nothing but a joke
to me years ago. You know how people make fun of lines like “Beauty lies
within”, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? Yeah, I felt nothing but petty
about being happy alone, thinking that’s for the crazy cat ladies just like
how the 2 lines mentioned before were meant for the unattractive people. However, it is kinda true as one of the most important things to do after a break up is to reconnect with
yourself.
Do what you love, best if it
doesn’t involve the use of internet. Go out hiking, gym, sports, sing, dance,
pick up an instrument, draw, punch, kick, whatever that you like to do that you
stopped/reduced doing ever since you got attached. Don’t be afraid of doing
anything alone, be it dining at a restaurant, watching a movie at the cinema or
even travelling. Ling has been travelling alone lately and I can only see how
much she enjoys making some crazy spontaneous decisions like sky diving, helping children and also deep sea diving. Reconnecting with yourself makes you a lot happier and also stronger. You will realise how much fun you can have without the need of others and be surprised by how strong you can be as the pain fades away.
Lastly, consider reconnecting
with him; and do that only if he’s willing to and you want to. What’s
passed, passed; I'm not saying that this is necessary but you yourself could judge whether that person is still worthy of the friendship. However, things
didn't work out last time for some reason and you should constantly remind
yourself that if the reason still exists, what happened will only happen again.
So, keep things casual and save yourself from a round 2 heart break.
I guess my main message of this
post is about getting up and loving thyself. Remember, people are going to stop loving
you if you refuse to love yourself. Does it ever stop hurting? I don't think so but I can promise you that the pain won't be the same as time goes. Do me a favour, if you read this far, find
something that have your reflection in it and say (in your brain if you’re in
public)
“I love you and I’m sorry for the
shits that I’ve put you through”
I'm obsessed with this song lately, its written and sung by one of my favourite YouTuber Anna. I could actually relate to the lyrics and also the final sob at the end of the video. What made it even more awesome? Anna picked herself up, smiled and threw a Fuckkkkk at the end of the video.
I've been waiting far too long
I've been singing this same old song
Time to pick myself up from the floor
I'll be okay when I walk out the door
Good Luck
Js
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