Seriously, don't care so much

This is NOT an emo post; it’s just a post to remind you and me not to care too much.

Be caring and loving, but never care too much or you risk losing happiness until you give up on that particular person.

Don't care too much,

You will be mad when he’s online and not talking to you.

You will be constantly worried if he didn’t reply your message.

You will be affected emotionally by some unintended words.

You will be upset when he’s free and is not spending time with you.

You will lose control of yourself and throw unnecessary tantrums.

You will give so much, but receiving less and less.

You will be doing so much for him that he’s taking them for granted.

You will be tolerating everything he does; his “sorry” will be so frequent that it doesn't even serve its meaning anymore.

You will always sacrifice your own happiness just to make his life easier.

You will be lost without him; your world revolves around him, losing your own principle, emotion, aim or even means to be happy.

You will not be YOU anymore, but an annoying personal maid instead.

There’s a limit of how much you should care.

Of course you care, and you should care since they are your partner. However, some distance, trust and self-principle are a must have in a relationship to keep things healthy.

Give him some space, even your pet dog that gives you unconditional love goes sniffing around and play with other people when you are out for a jog, that doesn’t mean they are not loyal.

Give him a break, you yourself don’t reply to your mom’s messages instantly and that doesn’t mean you don’t love her anymore. Understand that he’s just busy or not in the mood to talk sometimes.

Give him a chance to change. Understand that nobody’s perfect but always make sure that he means every sorry that he says. When it comes to mistakes, forgive instead of forget.

Give yourself some credit. You are not Jesus so there’s no need for you to always be sacrificing yourself for his needs. Be selfish sometimes, you have needs too.

Give yourself an identity. There’s no need to change yourself just to fit into the “best-boyfriend/girlfriend” model. There are always 2 sides for everything; if they love the dramatic and fun you then they need to accept the emo dramas from you as well. This doesn't mean that you should stop improvising yourself and be a better person though!

Defining the limit

It’s always super hard and stressful when the line of such stuff is so ambiguous. “Am I doing too much? Or is it not enough?” We are constantly treading with so much caution just to not disturb the balance. My recent finding to this problem is, treat your partner like how you treat your best friend then top it with an icing of romance.

Silly Shits that we always do together :) #Vain

Think of your best friend now, he/she should be the person that you are most relaxed with other than your partner.

You don’t text them that much, don’t talk as much, don’t meet up as much but you do care a lot about each other.

You respect each other’s time and space, they can go out with other people or even bails out on you last minute. Sure you feel neglected and upset sometimes but you just continue with your own life without thinking much about it. There must be a reason why they bailed on you and you understand it without giving them too much guilt & shit.

There’s no need to tread extra careful around your bestie. Horrible hairs, pyjamas, spectacles, sloppiest sitting position + a tub of ice cream is the best form to hang out as long as both of you are comfortable.

There will be rough times and misunderstandings too. You just yell, chill and apologize. Things will always be fixed after some hugs and a pyjamas + mask & Disney movie session.

There’s no counting or weighing when it comes to helping each other out. We only give necessary amount of help to each other, nothing over the line. Such deeds will always be remembered and reciprocated in the future.

Be your partner’s best friend instead of an “Overly-Attached-Boyfriend/Girlfriend”. Also, be giving but never give in to a relationship, it’s a very unhealthy thing to do and such relationship wouldn't last long.

“Be caring and loving but never forget to be fair to yourself”

-Jace

Be Yourself

Jim Parson aka Sheldon Cooper (gay)

Be warned, this blogpost is going to be a very long and gay rant.

This is not going to be my coming out story. Most of my readers are my close friends so they already got that covered. I've actually written this post with the aims to

1) Let the straight people understand how hard it is to live a gay life

2) Let the closeted gay guys understand that it is okay, you are not alone

I am not saying that life being straight is easy, I am aware of your problems; but how many of you guys truly understand how difficult it is to be a homosexual?

Ellen Page a.k.a. Juno / Shadow Cat (Yup, she's gay)

Being gay is not a choice, not a lifestyle

It annoys me a little when I hear people say things like “try la, try la, belum try belum tau” or “You have yet to meet the right girl, maybe you just need a tomboy”. Seriously peeps, we didn’t really choose to be gay. Do you think that you could ever “try” to be homosexual? If you don’t, then try to understand that it’s hard for us to be heterosexual too. While I agree environment can be a factor that leads to “gayness”, it is scientifically proven that being homosexual is partly due to a gay gene that all gay people share.  (Google it)

Sure we can choose to hide our gay identity and live a straight life. We would probably excel in getting girls than most of the straight guys out there. Most gay guys are sensitive, outspoken, understanding, well-maintained and fun! (That explains why a lot of girls want a gay best friend) But that’s not what we really want since we are sexually attracted to men, not the other way. Girls are like sisters to us, it’s just the same way like how you look at your bros. You have poker night, drink beer and watch sports together but you don’t have sex or date each other.

Matt Bomer (So hot, but yes, gay <3)

Dealing with the rude people

“Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes toward homosexuality. It can normally be expressed as antipathy, contempt, prejudice, aversion, hatred or just fear of the gay people”

- Wikipedia

Seriously, homophobia shouldn’t even be a word because it is just outright offensive. There are many things in this world that you hate/fear but you just don’t simply “phobia-fy” it

 “Is there a phobia of being scared of black people?”

The answer is NO, there’s no such thing as Negrophobia specifically for black people because it is racist, rude, conservative and offensive!

I do not know how bad racism can get (I’m Chinese, we are pretty much made fun by every other race, even by Chinese) but I think they are less disadvantaged compared to the gay people. There are laws and human rights that protect the black people while gay people still suffer from religious discrimination and anti-gay propagandas nowadays.

You could argue with me that gay people are able to get away easily since they are able to conceal their identity as a gay person. “If you don’t tell, they won’t know”. That is true indeed, but do you really think this “flexibility” of concealing we are gay make things easier? Not really.

Ellen Degeneres & Portia 

Living in the Closet

I would prefer some distinctive look for "being gay" rather than it being a concealable trait. (make gay people glow or shine-like-vampires) We have lost a lot of "viable dating options" since a lot of insecure gay guys decide to hide themselves and live in denial. I don't judge them at all because I WAS one of them, sad, scared and ashamed. I had even decided to be forever alone just to hide the fact that I am gay.

I discovered that I was gay a few years back and it was an extremely lonely moment of my life; I felt shitty about it, hated myself for it but what can I do other than keeping this dark secret to myself and continue being “normal”? I had to deal with all these “gay thing” myself because I fear losing everything that I have, my friends, my family and my future once this secret is out.

Why did I come out in the end? What was the trigger? 

I’ve had enough of those days that I have to fight with constant fear and so I started doing my research. I’ve browsed Google, YouTube and realised that there are a lot of people out there, facing the same problems that I have.

I am not alone

I got brave for some reason, and started to have a “I don’t give a F*** anymore” attitude. I was ready to lose everything, my friend, my family and yes, my future because I know this is what I really want, I couldn’t be happy if I need to conceal this part of me for my whole life, it is just too much pressure to keep everything in. I will work harder to find new friends, fight for a better future and also build my own family if that means I do not need to pretend to be someone that I am not anymore. 

The process wasn’t easy, it really wasn’t. It requires a lot a lot of courage, a very strong mind set and also the willingness to lose everything you have and start all over again for something that’s greater. Of course, a touch of faith in your family and friends helps a lot with the process too.

Annie from the League of Legends (That famous pun tho)

Love is not meant to be hid away

Love is a very beautiful thing, just like a flower; it needs to be out there to get some love from the sun, the breeze and the butterflies for it to grow strongly.

It is very, very rare for a gay relationship to last but most people fail to see the real reason behind it. A lot of them just blame it on things like

1.           Non compatible
2.           Lust-at-first-sight
3.           Commitment Issue
4.           Age gap

The list goes on... I won’t say that those are not the problem but let me tell you one common thing that I find in successful gay couples that I know.

They celebrate their love out in the public and gain blessings from their friends and family

Vinny and Luke (I just can't get over how cute they are)

Coming out is a never ending process for the gay people. We never cease the need of coming out, not until we really do shine like vampires. There’s one thing I can assure you though, it does get better. I am lucky myself, my friends gave me the warmest support after they know that I’m gay; while my parents are not happy with the idea, they still acknowledge me as their son, continue to provide me with food, shelter and love. If anything changed after coming out, I felt more bonded to these people than ever because I’ve opened up and be honest with them. Everybody appreciates honesty in this world.

To my fellow gay friends out there that’s still in the closet, don’t come out when you are not ready, but please, don’t have the mind set of “coming out is never an option for me”.

To my straight friends out there, if your friend were to come out to you, they have summoned a great amount of courage to do so. Be nice, they’ve probably assumed the worst to happen but if you offer them some love, they will definitely reciprocate you with tons of them.

To my dear Nee, I know you are going to read this but please don’t feel pressured as I’m not going to force you to French me in front of Dataran Merdeka. We will take baby steps and come out as a couple to your friends and also mine, hopefully we will get some blessings from our friends/family in the future.

Tyler Oakley (The most inspiring and fun gay YouTuber)

I will be ending this blogpost with a quote by Veronica Roth, the author of Divergent.

"There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known for the sake of something greater." 

Be Brave #ItGetsBetter

-Jace